so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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