How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The air taste purple.
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