we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
