Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize