I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
