Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize