everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
