so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
