I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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