Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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