I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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