just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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