my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
