its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
