marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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