either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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