literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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