You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
