you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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