i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sponge bath it is.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
