i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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