Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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