Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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