i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Holy sore nipples Batman
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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