I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize