happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
