he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize