i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
