Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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