she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
