dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
