People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
