Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
