i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
