Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
