So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
