Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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