Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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