Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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