It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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