The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
