I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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