why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
