I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize