I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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