just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
