If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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