then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
