Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
