I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
