He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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