The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
