Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
