I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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