you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
