Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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