I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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