But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
