my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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