just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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